She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

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She is the woman who has found and created herself a loving relationship with a man she loves. She is also the woman who is happily single, the woman who doesn’t need a man to be happy. She has a supportive circle of great friends, and she has the time to hang out with them, even when she has kids. If you’re familiar with ancient Greek plays, you’ll know that they’re structured into different dramatic acts. Similarly, the process of female arousal has a defined dramatic structure with a beginning, middle and an end.

Many fantasize about being with a woman who can orgasm over and over again. Most women do have the ability to experience multiple orgasms, but they need to receive the right clitoral stimulation to do so.As an author and a coach who has been helping women for more than a decade, I noticed some women were in trouble. Not just in their relationships, some had unfulfilling jobs, didn’t get paid what they were worth, had always dreamt of starting their own business but never did, felt lonely even though they had a husband and kids... the list goes on and on. So many women try to be the perfect girlfriends, wives, mothers, friends, sisters, colleagues, business owners, bosses, and more. They love to serve and want to succeed in the many roles they have to play. They are compliant, even to the people who don’t really deserve that kind of treatment. They give it all they have, every single day. Shortform note: Kerner claims that since all orgasms come from the clitoris, you should focus on two different parts of the clitoral network to give your partner a stronger, two-front orgasm (called a blended orgasm). However, recent research disproves Kerner’s claim that all orgasms are clitoral, which suggests that there may be other ways to achieve blended orgasms. They elaborate that women can also orgasm from nipple stimulation because it sends signals to the same part of the brain that’s responsible for genital sensations. So instead of focusing solely on the clitoris, you may be able to achieve a blended orgasm through a combination of clitoral head and nipple stimulation.) In reality, the clitoris is highly complex. That's why learning the art of clitoral stimulation is important.

Some argue that the G-spot is in the vagina and that’s where the best orgasms happen. But the G-spot is actually part of the clitoris, and the reason it sets of pleasure signals is because it gets stimulated during intercourse.So what can you do to achieve your goal of making a woman orgasm? Focus on what your tongue can do. Whereas Kerner recommends activities that will help you engage in foreplay (sexy hints, fantasizing, tender physicality, and sensual physicality), these experts argue that the best way to practice foreplay is by embracing a specific mindset that shapes how you view your partner and your relationship. If you adopt a playful, inquisitive, and sometimes teasing mindset, it will keep your relationship in a near-constant state of flirtation and anticipation, stave off dullness, and allow you to handle conflict without turning to contempt. Do you remember your sex ed class? How inadequate, awful, and awkward it was? Most of us don’t learn a thing in these classes. Whatever we do figure out about our body and how it connects with another, we’ll have to learn in private and the hard way. As a result, many of us suffer from a less-than-great sex life. Shortform note: Before the first kiss, Kerner says you should give your partner a final burst of anticipation with pursed kisses on her vulva, potentially through her panties. While Kerner only briefly mentions using panties as a barrier to build anticipation, sex experts highly recommend this step. They also add that before removing her panties, you should ask your partner for her consent to do so. They elaborate that some women might want to keep their panties on throughout cunnilingus, especially if they have a highly sensitive clitoris.)